My Personal Ad Strong black man, entrepreneur, 28 and single seeks strong black woman, for friendship, good times and to mingle must have Jesus at the center of her life- no lie!! if you're only 'religious' or 'pseudo-spiritual', don't even bother to apply intelligence is a plus, outward beauty is too a plus is if that beauty radiates from inside of you must not be materialistic, petty, spiteful or hateful a real woman can appreciate the little things and be grateful must respect her body, her image and herself or like an overdue book, I shall return you to the shelf understanding, warm, compassionate and caring not selfish and distant, but open and sharing trust, honesty and communication are the foundations of all relationships, tis true if you're not honest when we communicate, how the hell can I trust you? too many women are superficial-wasting time gossipin' and dissin' there are more important things in life you're missin'- just lissen' must be conservative, yet adventurous, bold and quiet too it sounds like I want every woman, but I want my every woman to be you sex is not an issue- if need be, the Lord will keep me celibate for life because the next woman I lay with, I want to be my wife tell me you love me without a kiss, without a word parting your lips without money leaving your pockets, or your underwear leaving your hips that's some steep requirements and the list could go on my friend but I think I've made my point....and so this ad must now end so I sit. One day when you're ready you'll step my way until then, in patience to the Lord I pray an open heart, much love and a lifetime friend for you await so answer this ad before it's too late (written at work while ducking the security camera....the precursor to The Black Man's Cry...)

Futures

futures flash before my eyes....
things which could be and which could happen
I think
I wonder
I remember you and the things we've share
though not much
every moment spent with you
is like an eternity of bliss
a fountain of pleasure from which
i desire to drink daily
i think
i wonder
i vividly imagine things
which could occur between us
the love which could grow
the friendship and companionship
which we could nuture....
together
i think
i wonder
i marvel at the sweetness and
kindness i've found in you
and why you are so far
away from me
distance is only temporal
for you are here with me
in my
heart
i think
i wonder
i hope and wish for one day
when you and i will meet
i think
i wonder
only time will tell what the future holds

(inspired during the trecharous summer of 96 by someone whom I spent a lot of bandwidth conversing with...she knows who she is....)

EYE still think of U

I still think of eyes filled with joy and happiness
I still think of glasses filled with pleasure from which we both drank
I still think of times spent talking, laughing, holding and caring
I still think of lips touching and caressing
I still think of hearts alight with flames of passion
I still think of friendships established
I still think of feelings so strong and promises made....

I still think of you....


I miss you
Love,
Kerry

(inspired by a little little blue, white and gold person who broke my heart and whom eye held a grudge against for a while....i'm over it now)

Eye Miss U

Tried to replace you
tried to erase you
but I can't
I miss you
Tried to abhor you
ignored my feelings for you
but I can't
I miss you
tried to move on
got my groove on
but it wasn't the same
I miss you
tried to find someone
to bring a smile to my face
tried to find someone
to put in your place
tried to run away
but I lost the race
from the start
I miss you with all of my heart
thought that I could find another one
like you
I could never love another like I loved you
I miss you
and even though we're not together now
the words we said in the past
the pictures
the memories remain
I think of all the happy times
still wishin' one day that you'll once
again be mine
but right now I just retreat into my room
and cry
I miss you

(if eye told u how and why, you couldn't...you wouldn't...understand....a thousand pages of a thousand poems over a thousand years would be a beginning...)

How do I tell you how special you are? A card, a rose, what can they do? How do I let you know how much joy you've brought to my life? A letter, a word or two? How can I show you I love you? Physical expression is not enough....my heart....my life....all to you I give...to please you....for this reason I live...

My sweetness....

(for no one u no)

eye wish U love....

for every tear you've shed, I wish you joy
for every pain you've felt, I wish you peace
for all the storm in your life, I wish you calm
for all the hurt you've endured, I wish you healing
for all that your beauty represents, may it shine forth brilliantly
for all that you are, may this day bring forth blessings for you
for if you were here, I'd bring those things to you my sweetness

for every day we've fought, I wish you resolution
for every word I've said which did not build you up, I wish for retraction
for every time you've come to my shoulder and rested your head, I wish you happiness
for every time we've shared a laugh, a smile or a kind word, I wish you more
for all that you are, may this day bring forth life, health and love for you
for if you were here, I'd bring those things to you my sweetness....

(u say u still love me, little flame.....so y do u keep running? salad anyone?...)

Staring into the abyss of lonliness- can u identify?

No one to express my desires to
so I sit heartbroken
heart breaking
daily
No one to hold me
to make the pain go away
so I sit
heart hurting
bleeding
from the pain
a pain that I cannot stop
a pain that lingers on from lonliness
day by day
I and I alone must face
the emptiness
a grim visage holds my facial features captive
I stare at nothing
in the mirror
my eyes water up
tears fall down my cheeks
I stare at the world with a fatalist
view
what will be will be
I can do nothing to stop it
what I feel will be
until the Lord sees fit to
fill that void
if He does....
I follow Him...
praying for the day when I
shall be released from these
feelings
Sometimes thoughts of
suicide dance through my mind
but I want to live
I see that life goes on
I can do nothing to stop the pain
just live with it
day
after day
after day
cool chills send goosebumps
rippling up and down my arms
as I stare off into the
coldness of my computer
typing these words
release me from this madness
this anguish
this pain I can no longer endure
outside
I wear the mask of a zombie
starring lifelessly into nothingness
inwardly
a small voice is heard
yelling
screaming in pain
WHY
STOP
made up solutions roll
across the billboard
of my thoughts
music accentuates my
emotions
I feel myself in a song
the blues and all their
melodic tones
spell out the story of my life
absorbed as I become
I wait
I know the pain hurts a little
less each day
or I am becoming immune to it
but why do I still feel it?
I do not know
all I know is it's here
it's real
it hurts
i feel it
I wish it would go away
but all I can do is sit
and stare at
nothing......

(back when eye wished i'd never met her....and didn't understand it all.... )

The Calling....

Your voice it calls me
with it's radiant
wonderful sound
your beauty it calls me
with you lovely eyes
and smooth skin
your captivating smile
and your warm personality
i gaze upon your picture
i hear your voice
and I am drawn to you

(the story of attraction....short story....)

Once again it comes.....

Once again it comes
The pain and the lonliness
I stare it in the face head on with determination
each time, it takes a part of me
for lack of companionship
this hell must I endure
and now it comes again
like some ghoulish feind
to suck dry what emotions that remain within me
and replace them with a cold, distant abyss
at times, the light shines in
but it is only for a fleeting moment...then
I face reality....
I'm really alone...
and I cry

(a result of the vaccuous hole left in my life at the point of abandonment...salad anyone?...)

2 a wonderful
sweet
kind
and loving
lady
whose inner beauty
has consistently
made me smile
from the day we
first met
eye
wish u happiness
and may this
day and all others
be as weet to you
as you are to me
in my heart
and may your
beauty shine forth
as that of this
flower....
4 u r my rose

(insert rose here....)

Reflections

Life has been no bed of white roses
We've had more than our share of problems
nights where you went to bed upset at
me
feeling misunderstood
nights I when I went to sleep
feeling rejected
days where I felt ignored
days where you felt unloved

Times when you felt like leaving
Times when I felt like leaving too

But......

There have been days where
I felt your heart
I read your mind
our souls touched each other
and never truly let go
despite how many miles came between us
Days where you felt like the queen of the world
Days where I felt like the king

Times we talked
and the world stood still
times when others looked on
in awe at what we have
Times when we stood strong
against all who came against us
Times when I was your strength
Times when you were mine

Times when we laughed
Times when we cried
Times when the radiance of your beauty
and my happiness overflowed

Those times still happen...........

I know things haven't been perfect
as no relationship is.......
but I just think back
to those times when things were perfect
and draw strength from them to make it
through the trials that we have now
I promised you I wouldn't leave you

I won't

I love you

(two lies on my part....i did tell u how i felt...and i did leave u...i'm sorry...u know y)

When The Wings Get Tangled

How can two who flew so high
now spread their wings apart
to fly in angst betwixt each other
sharing a broken heart
How can these two still each other meet
and by necessity still see
when all that remains are
memories of a love that used to be
still call you sister and I your brother
for our pledge was made for life
but how can we continue to nuture that bond
when all we do is cause each other strife
still brother and sister shall we remain
with hearts both marred and mangled
but doves don't fly as high as they used to
when the wings get tangled

(if computers could talk...oh wait, they can....don't go speculating...it's not who u think....)

As I sat here downloading your picture....these words came to mind....

Your radiant beauty....why does your face inspire me to wirte poetry? Your beauty...overwhelming....beautiful dark peircing eyes looking deep into my soul and seeing how much my desire for you has grown...I stare at your picture and feel my heart taken captive by your beautiful face...what must I do to whin your heart? For you have stolen mine with all but a glance....

(oh how sad....anyone can be the mac over a computer.....)

Just in case u miss someone's birthday....

I wish for you
all the joy in the world
I wish that I'd not
missed
that very
special day
special because on that
day
so many years ago
you came into the world
a day that changed the lives
of
everyone you've ever
met
because were it not
for you
they wouldn't be who they are
today
you are special indeed
and even though I'm late
I want you to know that
so
these words I write
in hopes that
that day was both pleasurable
and memorable
and if it wasn't
then maybe there'll be
a smile on your face
by the time you get done
reading
this poem......

(as stated before...anyone can be the mac over a computer....)

Melt U

My chocolate covered sweetness....how I long for the touch of your embrace...to feel you melt against my lips...intoxicate me with your wine of your beauty....give me the joys of feeling your soft hands caress me again...give me the pleasure of being able to look upon your radiance once again...to hold you...to kiss you...to once again have a taste of your sweetness....my beauty...

(see previous comments on past two poems)

I wish I didn't love you....

Everytime I look at your picture, or think of your voice
feelings well up within my heart which overflow into a river of tears which run from my eyes....
Everytime I think of the times we've shared and the closeness that has developed
between us, I want to ball up in the fetal position and cry myself to sleep....
Everytime I think of the fact that you can never be mine for your pledge is to another
I wish I didn't love you.....
feelings don't go away overnight...and my heart longs for you daily...
everytime I imagine the softness of your lips, the warmth of your embrace...
this lonliness tears me apart inside....
I wish I didn't love you....
but I do...and all I can do when I think of you
is feel sadness...
a tear drops...
I wish I didn't love you

(why does this poem still depress you, little flame?...salad anyone?)

Reality sets in HARD....

Thoughts of you pass thru my mind daily....I glance at your picture and remember....times shared....small though they were, I miss them....I miss you....as I sit here....thinking of what could have been...what is...and what may never be....

(i wonder if she ever got her computer fixed.....)

Black Man's Cry

I'M TIRED!!
I reached out, you widthdrew
I opened up to you, you closed me out
I showed my emotional side and you DISSED ME!!!
I exposed my heart, you peirced it with a spear
and you know what's funny?
this is what YOU wanted!!
this is what YOU asked for!!
day after day i'm bombarded
with negative images of myself
so I clean up my act so i could obtain the prized jewel
a strong black woman
or so i thought you were
and what did you do for me in return?
you claimed you wnated someone to love you and treat
you like a queen
i gave you that
yet you head out and date the first THUG you see
you said you wanted someone you could talk to
i left myself open
but all you did was shut me out
you said you wanted someone intelligent and insightful
someone who respected your mind
yet you settle for someone more concerned with
the tightness of your skirt
than the consistency of your mind
you settle for someone who treats you like a toy
a thing of amusement
than for someone who will
treat you as a friend
as a sister
as a lover
i just don't understand you....

(for all the brothers who got burnt tryin to be a good man to a woman who didn't deserve you....keep ya head up...there's a few good ones out there.....)

U?

In the quest for my lady....
with a heart of pure love I do search hoping to find my true other half....
she who would be beautiful inwardly....
honest....compassionate....loving....sensitive....
whose arms I could feel safe within as she held me...
whose lips I could kiss and caress with my own....
whose heart I could pour all of myself into.... for this type of love I do long for and wait....
Whose eyes I could look into and see nothing but affection, admiration and the bond which would grow ever so strong between the two of us...
A friend? Definitely....
A Companion? Yes....
A Lover? Possibly....
A Wife? Only time would tell.....

could this be you, my sweet?

With a heart that aches only for love,
Kerry

(initially, she was speechless....now she's engaged...and it ain't to me....the mac for all of 10 seconds....i'll say it again...anyone can be...oh, you know....)